Photo below by Jessica Rinehart of The Heart of Now Photography, LLC
I am sitting here rocking my five week old baby while my older two children wreak havoc on my house and, let's face it, my emotional state. Yet, I would not have it any other way. These fresh postpartum days are oh so bitter-sweet; sprinkled with baby cuddles, 2 minute showers, baby giggles, cluster feeds and leaky nights, blowouts and overwhelming oxytocin boosts (among other less desirable hormone spikes). Like my last free birth story, this one is beautifully uneventful and lacks all the drama and trauma of medicalized birth. I'll tell you all about how powerful catching my own baby made me feel, and how confident and unafraid and undisturbed birth is the ideal first choice for mother/baby. If you haven't read my previous birth stories, you can head to my blog page to find those, or click the links below for my other posts.
My "Why" - first baby
Choosing Untamed - second baby
Resources List - self-education
Checklist - free birth checklist with links and free printouts
The Journey
This was the first child we weren't actively trying for. My cycle had only been returned for a few months and had not gone back to its regular schedule. Sometimes it was 28 days long, sometimes it was 35 days long (still relatively normal overall, but not for me). I was on the phone with my best friend while taking a pregnancy test on day 36 of my irregular cycle, "just in case". I had taken one the previous cycle on day 35 and it was negative, so I was more-so taking the test to confirm it was just another long cycle. My sister beeped in while waiting for the test results and I said goodbye to my bestie and took the call. We spoke for a couple of minutes and I went back to the pregnancy test and saw the "pregnant" reading. I said to my sister, "Can I call you back?" and hung up the phone. My bestie and I have this unspoken rule, so-to-speak, that we tell each other first when we find out about our pregnancies...even before our spouses! I FaceTimed her immediately while leaning over my sink staring at the test, hand over my mouth in complete disbelief. I was still breastfeeding and, while I know that breastfeeding is certainly no birth control, I had previously been unable to conceive my second until my son had been weaned from the breast and I stopped producing milk. My bestie answered, saw my face, and said "Your sister is pregnant isn't she," and I held up the test to show her she was almost right, and we both sat there with jaws dropped while I processed it.
(Spoiler: My sister found out she was pregnant shortly after I did.)
I, of course, told my husband that same day by putting the [clean] test in the fridge, because that is usually where my husband goes first when he comes home from work. You can see the video of him finding out and almost entirely rocking his world. I sent the video to my close friends and family to tell them, which prompted a lot of "WHAT'S IN THE FRIDGE" responses.
Approximately two weeks later my sister announced her own pregnancy as well! Our estimated due dates were roughly two and a half weeks apart. But more on that later. Her story is much more eventful than my own (which I won't fully share), but still a very special part of this one.
As I said, the pregnancy was uneventful. I had some morning sickness, but not nearly as bad as my last pregnancy. My SPD returned, but it remained manageable as I immediately began regular chiropractic adjustments. My emotions were a bit more manageable but I definitely had my moments. Aside from the day I found out I was pregnant and was craving dill pickles with cookie dough, I had no other weird cravings or food aversions.
This was my first truly wild pregnancy. I had no provider and I did my own prenatal care. I took my own blood pressure when I felt it was necessary. I had a glucose meter on hand if I felt it necessary to check my glucose levels (but I never did). I had my own fetoscope to check on Baby's heart rate, for fun or when I felt curious (I do not like the use of dopplers, the same as I do not like ultrasounds - see my resources guide blog for information on why). We had no appointments aside from my chiropractic adjustments, nobody to fear monger me into unnecessary tests and procedures, and I had zero stressors about how my pregnancy was going. I supplemented where I felt my body needed, but did not take prenatal vitamins. I was carrying smaller than my other two pregnancies which was interesting to me, but not concerning. I was worried about a potentially faster labor than my previous precipitous birth, though. I had read so many experiences where each labor was faster than the last, and several stories where women had had 45 minute labors, and some that were as little as 15-20 minutes. While those have to be incredible experiences, imagine the intensity of your body going through all stages and phases of labor in just 15 minutes! Holy WOW! Thankfully, my labor began nice and slow this time, and there were no crazy surprises.
The Birth
I had been anticipating labor to begin between 37-39 weeks, as my previous two had both come before 40 weeks. The weeks came and went, and every day after 39 weeks felt like I was getting further and further away from true labor. I had been willing my baby to come on a Friday, since my other two were also born on Fridays. September 27th (indeed a Friday) came and I began feeling sensations around 5:00 PM. Sensations were mild and sporadic, but more defined than the familiar Braxton Hicks contractions. Around 7:00 PM I texted my photographer to update her, and my mother arrived around 10:00 PM. I still wasn't sure if I was in labor or not, and the guilt of possibly inconveniencing my mother and my photographer (who lives an hour away) was really setting in.
I wanted to keep my birth team small. In fact, I had thought about not even having anyone there at all. In the end I decided I wanted the support of my husband's presence, my mother's help with somehow always knowing what I need, and a photographer to capture my dream of catching my own baby. While I also wanted my other two children to be a part of the experience, God's timing is always perfect. I labored in peace throughout the night, and my son and daughter got to meet their new sibling when they woke up that morning.
Time was not a concern of mine, and my 4 year old son stayed up with us while I was in early labor far past his bedtime. He was having the time of his life staying up late with the grown ups! Once my husband finally put him down for bed, we all relaxed in our living room with an episode of Rings Of Power playing in the background, which I was completely unable to focus on.
The exhaustion was setting in just as active labor started to hit me. I began humming through each surge and eventually moved to the shower just to do something different. I swayed back and forth in the shower and let the hot water run over my back. They say water is nature's epidural, and while I believe that to be a bit of an exaggeration, water does absolutely help manage labor pains. As a creature of habit, I would return to the shower a few more times during my labor, just as I did during my other two labors. I got tired of the shower and moved to my birth ball next to my bed. I have always experienced back labor and this time was no different. Well, it was slightly different. I began taking the Gentle Birth Tincture Without Cohosh around 38 weeks in hopes that it would help with after pains postpartum. I believe that helped to significantly decrease the intensity of my back labor (among other factors).
Each surge came with a burning ache wrapping around my middle, accompanied by increasing pelvic pressure. My incredible husband, my birth partner and my silent rock, applied counter pressure on my lower back and hips during each surge as I vocalized my way through the pain. He graciously rubbed my cramping foot in between each surge, and the labor shakes began to take control. I had never experienced labor shakes before. I also had never experienced nausea, which came shortly after the shakes began. Thankfully, neither of those symptoms continued for very long. In between contractions I was still fully present, and my wonderful husband made some amazing labor drinks for me to stay nourished and hydrated (see the labor drinks and snacks printout in my free birth checklist blog post — I highly recommend the Labor Smoothie).
After a few surges I decided to move to the bed and try to get some rest. I was getting really hot, and then chilly, and back to hot, so I kept layering up and then dressing down as needed. I continued to vocalize through each surge as I laid on my side with a pillow between my legs, keeping my pelvis open so my baby could continue to descend.
Photo below by Jessica Rinehart of The Heart of Now Photography, LLC
With each surge that came, I was met with the questioning of my otherwise perfect team, "how was that one? Are they getting stronger?" I felt myself getting irritated with the questions, and the feeling of being watched like an animal at the zoo in her natural habitat and in her most vulnerable state. I decided I needed to reset, and back in the shower I went.
In the safety of my warm shower bubble, I played worship music and I swayed back and forth holding my belly and talking to my baby. "We got this baby boy. I trust you and I love you." I whispered along to the song "Peace" by Bethel. Leaning over my shower chair I began to breathe deep through each surge and chant in a whisper, "no pain, no pain, no pain." I envisioned my baby moving through the birth canal as each surge came and went. I turned my palms up, and relaxed my face and body, and turned my face to the heavens, allowing each sensation to move over me like a wave. Finally, I was in control.
I got out of the shower and was immediately met with the calm questioning of my team again. "Listen, I love y'all, but you have GOT to stop asking me that." And they did. I took the opportunity to try some new positions (as you see below) as I continued to be in control. I got so relaxed and quiet through each wave that nobody knew if I was progressing or not (I was). In fact, I was so in control that I took the opportunity to prepare for the delivery of my baby. I curled up in bed, pillow between my legs, and I slept.
Photos below by Jessica Rinehart of The Heart of Now Photography, LLC
I'm not sure how long I slept for but when I woke I felt refreshed and ready to get things moving again. I slid out of bed and stepped into one last shower. After a few waves in the shower, I slowly made my way onto my yoga ball. Sensations grew and I began feeling the urge to push just as my husband awoke from his own restful slumber. I said, "that one was nearly pushing, hon, can you go get mom?"
I began vocalizing more as I pushed with each surge while still sat there on my yoga ball, still feeling in control. My water broke and I calmly announced "waters." I stood up and my husband helped me remove my fluid soaked underwear. I knelt next to my bed with one leg up so I could catch my baby. The stretching and burning sensation, that "Ring of Fire," took over my mind and I roared as my body pushed with each continuing surge. My baby's head slowly but steadily emerged, and I felt a slight relief as I repeated "okay," as if reassuring myself. I reached my hand down to hold my baby's head as I waited for the next surge. My mother, bless her, couldn't hold in her excitement with a hint of panic and asked, "Okay now what do we need to do, honey? What do you want to do?" A common coping method for women in labor is repeating words and phrases. This has proved true for me with each birth so far. I repeated, "wait," until the next surge came. I reached both hands in between my legs, and this time as the surge came I pushed with the fetal ejection reflex so that I could control the rest of the delivery. The surge was coming to an end, but I wanted to get this baby out, so I continued to push even after the peak of the surge.
Out slid Baby with one final, powerful push, right into my hands. I brought my baby immediately up to my chest and took several deep breaths. If you know what you're looking at, the "Instinctual Pause" is so special and beautiful. This pause gave me the opportunity to slowly return to reality and transition from birth to baby, and my baby to transition from womb to world. As my mind began to let the world back in around me, as did my awareness, and I heard the familiar birth gurgles from my newborn. I sat back, still holding my baby close, and began to rub back and forth along the spine to help stimulate the reflex that works to clear fluids from the lungs. My husband reached over and said "hold on, Syd," as he saw the cord was wrapped around the shoulders. I knew this probably concerned him, so I reassured him and said "it's okay, it's okay," and, legs still shaking, I laid my baby down to unwrap the cord, which prompted the morrow reflex and further helped my baby to take some breaths and clear their lungs.
Photos below by Jessica Rinehart of The Heart of Now Photography, LLC
The entire pregnancy we all were certain that I was carrying a boy. We had his name chosen, and a backup girl name that we hadn't fully decided on because we were so sure that this baby was a boy. So as I unwrapped the cord, I took a quick peek to confirm that it was, indeed, a boy... "It's a b—IT'S A GIRL!!" I squealed with absolute shock and joy. We all erupted in a joyful laughter and I picked up my gurgling baby girl once more. I continued to rub her back and she continued to clear those lungs. She let out one big cry and we all let out a joyful sigh again.
I sat there with my baby girl, holding her close, talking to her, studying and examining every inch of her. She was so little. The smallest of my three, in fact. I remained there on the floor while I let the overwhelming pride and joy of catching my own baby really sink in. I had a dream of being so powerfully in control of my birth that I could catch my own baby and not have to rely on anyone else, and I made it happen. I am woman—hear me roar. I caught my baby and I was in control of my labor and birth. I welcomed each surge as it came, I was unafraid, I was relaxed and comfortable, and I. Was. Powerful. I am powerful. And, you, momma reading this, are powerful. Imagine the incredible feats we could overcome if we just allowed ourselves to believe we are perfectly capable. Imagine if we stopped relying on "care" providers to "deliver" our babies as if we weren't literally made to do this. Imagine if we put our trust in God and welcomed him in the room with us during our labors and births. Imagine what we could accomplish without spending thousands of dollars to be fear mongered, poked, prodded, abused, and downright sabotaged and robbed of a beautiful and peaceful birth. We are women—hear us roar.
Photo below by Jessica Rinehart of The Heart of Now Photography, LLC
We sat there for a few minutes while I gathered my strength and examined my baby girl, and my husband lovingly helped clean me up a bit with a towel. Once I was able to stand up enough to get myself into bed, I spent the next hour holding and loving on her, and letting her do the breast crawl. My husband left to grab coffee for everyone around 5:00 AM and I decided it was time for the placenta to come out. The cord was still intact, so I handed her to my mother to hold close. I knelt on the floor, the same as I did when I birthed her, wrapped the cord around my fingers, and firmly pulled it out into a bowl. After a quick shower I went back to bed with my baby girl, and time began to fly by. About an hour and a half later we decided to cut the cord. Since it had turned completely limp and white, and there was no pulse at either end of the cord, clamping was not necessary. My husband got our sterile umbilical scissors and cut two inches from the base of the cord. It was all so perfect and normal.
Photo below by Jessica Rinehart of The Heart of Now Photography, LLC
After The Birth
Photo below by Jessica Rinehart of The Heart of Now Photography, LLC
The rest of my family came after we took a few hours to sleep and my dad made us all breakfast while the older kids played and the adults fawned over our newest blessing. Remember when I said my sister was also pregnant and just two and a half weeks behind me? She stated that she was having lots of Braxton Hicks since I told them I was definitely in labor, and we joked that she would be having her baby that night and our children would have the same birthday!
Some background:
My sister had had a stressful experience with her providers during her pregnancy. Since it is not my story to tell, I will skip over the details of the medical drama. After a diagnosis from the anatomy scan, then being cleared to birth in the local hospital, then wrongfully still being denied care by the local OB's, dozens of phone calls later they decided the best (and only other) option was the local home birth midwife. They had previously decided against the midwife due to insurance not covering home births. Thankfully, they are surrounded by an incredible support system and set up a BeHerVillage registry to get help with the cost. With just a few weeks left of her pregnancy, White Owl Midwifery was able to take her on as a client last minute, after many things fell into place by the Grace of God to make it happen.
So we spent the rest of the day in our newborn bubble, and my sister began feeling more and more Braxton Hicks and pressure that evening. Around 6:00AM the next morning she started feeling more sensations in her back and kept going to the bathroom. By 6:30AM she was able to time the surges and woke up her husband. Since I was in my newborn bubble very freshly postpartum, I couldn't be there to photograph the birth. My brother came by to pick up my camera so that my mother could capture a few shots for me in my stead. At 2:45PM her water broke and she called her birth team, who showed up very shortly after.
Photo below by Sydney Hagan of Rustic Iris Photography + Studios and Untamed Birth, LLC
She got in the pool around 4:00PM and had continued to deny cervical checks. She labored down for a while in the pool and then agreed to one cervical check just to check baby's position and progression. The midwife checked, pulled back with her lips pressed tight, and said "that was either a butt or a mouth..." — it was, indeed, a butt. At 4:30PM he was born a surprise breech! It was a good thing she had been denying cervical checks, because if the midwife had known that the baby was breech, and if there had been enough time for a transfer, her hands would have been tied and my sister would have been taken to the hospital for an "emergency" c-section. Instead, she had her peaceful home birth with an incredible birth team and had a drama-free, perfectly healthy baby and birth. God is so good!
Photos below by Sydney Hagan of Rustic Iris Photography + Studios and Untamed Birth, LLC
Everything seemed to fall into place and play out exactly as it should have for my sister, and we are so thankful, grateful, and blessed. I just couldn't resist and I had to bring my one day old over to meet her almost-birthday-twin.
Needless to say these will be stories we will tell for decades to come. We are all doing amazing, healing perfectly, and adjusting well. Our hearts are bursting full of love and we are adoring all the "firsts" with the new babies, and seeing our older kiddos fall in love with their new siblings. See photos below of the completely necessary "twin" newborn shoot I absolutely had to do!
Grant and Josephine born 36 hours apart - Rustic Iris Photography + Studios
Josephine - Rustic Iris Photography + Studios
Follow along the Untamed Birth journey for many more birth stories to come. Next up: A healthy 11.25lb baby boy born at home with a nuchal cord and sticky shoulder. You definitely want to hear all about this incredible birth!
Much love,
Sydney
Your Untamed Birth Doula
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